Things don’t always go as planned, life isn’t always neat and tidy, and sometimes we just have to hang on for the ride and be okay with not having the answers we want. These are just a few things that God has been trying to teach me these past weeks. My summer has turned out quite differently than what it was “supposed” to look like.
A lot of people have been asking me what is going on with my health and what things I have been finding out. I figured it would be easiest to just put it all in a blog post instead of trying to answer everyone individually. So here it goes…
Over the past few months I haven’t physically been feeling the best, but at the beginning of May I threw out my hip and from there things have just gotten progressively worse. It took me a while before I would admit that anything was really wrong, and when I finally decided to get some help, I could barely walk. In June I decided to visit my family for a week to give myself time to rest and recover. I was expecting to take a week of vacation and then I was going to be better and everything was going to return to normal! I would feel good again and be ready to take on the world. Unfortunately…that’s not how it has been working out. In July, right before I was scheduled to direct a choir at BMA Convention, my wrists decided to give out on me. Needless to say, this was a rather frightening and confusing experience, but it forced me to admit that something really was wrong, that I needed help, and that I needed to go back to Indiana for a time.
I wasn’t sure how long I was going to need to stay in Indiana, but I still had my timetable in the back of my mind-I wasn’t expecting to be here for a month. That plan didn’t work out too well either, and I’ve ended up spending the entire month of August here with my family. All the medical answers I’ve gotten haven’t really been answers, and the ones we have received were not what we were expecting. It seems like every time I think I have the answer, the test comes back negative, and we are back at square one.
What we have found out is that somehow I had gotten several fractured ribs…THAT was a surprise! They also determined that I have osteoporosis, which is NOT normal for someone my age. The doctors have been trying to determine what could be causing it, but haven’t been able to find any answers, and the diagnosis doesn’t explain my other symptoms.
At this point, I am planning on returning to NYC in September and do some more testing at Columbia, and possibly in Lancaster. I am feeling better and stronger than I had been and it has been good spending time with family. I’m not going to lie, I love my independence, but it has been such a blessing to have two wonderful parents to make decisions and “take care” of me…although I have had to remind my mother several times that I am not an invalid! 🙂
As crazy as all this has been, I have seen the hand of God working in so many ways…time after time I feel like He has showed me His love and provision in such tangible ways, and I can’t shake the feeling that He is doing something specific through all of this. So many people have been so encouraging and supportive and I cannot thank you all enough for the prayers! I have been so blessed by many individuals and it has been a very humbling experience. On the bright side of all of this, I never wanted a boring or “normal” life, and apparently I’m meeting those goals. 🙂 At least the doctors seem to think I’m a fascinating case study, and I know a whole lot more about medical things than I did before!
I’m making my plans for continuing to teach and do life in the city, but God has been showing me that I have to hold on to things loosely, be okay with admitting that physically I’m not able to do everything I wish I could, and that I will have to be willing to ask for help when I need it. God has been showing me that I’m not as strong as I like to think I am and it’s okay to admit my weakness and ask for help. It’s a journey, but it’s an adventure and there is no one I’d rather take it with than my Jesus.