Why is it that when prayer is absolutely the only thing I can do, I usually tend to feel the most helpless? I have only to turn my heart toward heaven to gain access to the most powerful force that ever was or ever will be, so why do I feel so frustrated and powerless? Is it the lack of control? Maybe it is simply the fact that I am NOT a patient person and the results of prayer can sometimes take quite a while. Whatever it is, it is the height of irony to feel this way knowing what we know about this unsearchable, all-knowing, infinite being.
What is it about my human nature that thinks it has to do
something–force something to happen? Why do I base my worth upon my ability to see results? Prayer is hands-down the most powerful thing we have because through it we have direct access to the God of the universe. I know that it’s so much stronger than anything I could try to accomplish by myself. But it takes patience. So. Much. Patience. And I hate that. My soul cringes at the thought of sitting and waiting and feeling pain, but seeing nothing moving. Faith. To believe that God is moving when I see only blackness, hear only silence and must simply live with an aching heart and empty hands. Thinking about words that I never got a chance to say. Sitting in the darkness wandering if things will ever change.
This story is not mine alone. I am convinced it is copied and pasted from the lives of countless people down through history and all across the globe. And I know that it will continue to be repeated. Pray. But God, why? Can’t you just let me forget this and move on so my heart can stop breaking? Pray. But God, there doesn’t seem to be any point. Nothing is changing! Pray. But God, if I could just leave and forget, then none of this would hurt me anymore. Can’t you let someone else carry this heaviness? Pray. God, I have no more words. Pray, Soldier, this is what I have called you to. Pray. This I have commanded you. Pray. I will intercede when you have no more words. Just pray.
Sometimes it makes no sense at all, but what kind of a worthless soldier questions his commander and demands to know the “why” behind the battle plans? It is not his place to know the reasons, he must only do what he is told and trust his leader–no matter how much it hurts.
I will never forget the season when I felt compelled to pray about a specific person/relationship that was heavy on my heart and mind. Nothing was moving and nothing appeared to be changing. I prayed so much. God didn’t answer like I thought I wanted Him to, but in that time of prayer He showed me something infinitely important that has contributed to the path my life is currently travelling. Looking back I see His hand so clearly, my faith is strengthened, and I am more confident in His leading. Maybe, just maybe, in our hearts cry, God knows what it is that we really need and the important things is the seeking–not merely the words or the subject.
So, I determine to keep fighting…Today I went to the Wall again. I haven’t been there in a while, but today I needed to go. After this week I needed something tangible. So I pressed my forehead against the cool stone, and I stuffed my note into the crack of the Wall along with thousands of other dirty pieces of paper with the heart-cries of both Jews and Gentiles alike. I prayed. And I won’t stop yet–I can’t stop yet. I don’t understand why God allows some things to happened, but it’s not my job to demand answers. I just need to fight because even one soul is worth it, there is just too much at stake to stop because it’s hard.
But one thing is certain, the battle is hard and we shouldn’t try to fight it alone. The bigger the army, the stronger the force! Ask for reinforcements when you need them. We are not alone. And above all else, the Father intercedes. He never stops. We have power.
“The effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much.” James 5:16
“…seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.” Hebrew 7:25b